Oh god. OH GOD. So, this year I started college. It’s one of those colleges with crappy, small dorm rooms. And, of course, I’m put with a guy I never met. I wish it stayed that way, since my roommate is easily the most annoying person I’ve ever met.
Most of the problem lies with the fact he never leaves the room. Now, there’s nothing objectively wrong with that, I like to hang out in the room to. But then I have to listen to him. He plays exactly two games, Hearthstone and League of Legends. I don’t play either, but apparently LoL requires you to spam the mouse button a hundred times a second. Hearing that gets old fast. Worse is, he likes to talk to other people when he plays. He never talks to me, even when I tried to strike up a conversation, so this is all I have to figure out his personality. And it seems he is a complete jerk, because all he does is trash talk. Most of the time all he does is repeat the same few phrases:
1. “Get wrecked.”
2. “Wow.” (As monotone as possible.)
3. “How does it feel to be shit at this game?”
4. “LEEROY JENKINS” (Like it’s still 2005 or something.)
5. “You what, mate?” (Fake British accent mandatory.)
6. Just plain old calling people names.
7. Random noises and whistling.
8. Swearing like a fourteen year old.
Actually, he seems like a fourteen year old in an eighteen year old’s body, in all the worst possible ways. Let’s not forget he’ll trash talk for hours, even at TWO IN THE MORNING, WHEN I’M TRYING TO SLEEP. I could go on about how annoying he is whenever he talks, but I have other issues to get to.
Here’s something that just puzzles me. He apparently hates light. The room has one window and two overhead lights. But he closed the blinds and likes to keep the lights off, and only wants a small lamp in the corner of the room to provide light. One weekend, he went home, and I opened the blinds. It was glorious. Then, he came back and hung this up:
He put up a Kingdom Hearts banner. ON THE WINDOW.
And, of course, he is a slob. I’ve seen him do laundry once, and I’ve seen him take a shower maybe three times we’ve been here. But what actually affects me is he never throws out his garbage.
Let’s ignore the fact putting a hat on lamp is kinda a fire hazard and take a look at those empty cans of ravioli he ate. They’ve been sitting on his desk for a while and started growing mold.
I don’t know how much more I can take of this. May is a long ways off.